I have never felt this empty before.
I sit at the back of the room, waiting impatiently for my professor to arrive. I have wasted fifteen minutes of my time looking around, eavesdropping on every conversation. Nothing piques my interest. My seatmate takes a nap and I wonder if he’s dreaming, or if his mind is as blank as my own.
I almost fell asleep staring at him when finally my professor came.
“I’ll be back after 30 minutes to return your exam papers.”
Calm. For a moment, this place is anything but calm. Everyone’s nervous about the results, except for me. I should be rattled by now because I don’t think I did well on that exam. But here I am, indifferent to everything that’s happening right now. I finished my seat work then moved on to my next class.
He’s not here.
I’m always thrilled when he is in class, stealing glances of me. I do not like him, but the thought of him liking me makes me feel cherished, that I exist because someone would be happy if I did. He used to ask me out but I always turned him down. He’s an arrogant man— not my type. He once made a portrait of me and I felt very uncomfortable when I saw it, wondering if how long he studied my features and what was he thinking while he drew my face. I never should have agreed with that. It was just too…intimate. But I don’t think he’d stop if I said no.
I blink and I am back to where I’m sitting. Five minutes seemed like hours.
I just can’t wait for this class to be over.
#Summer2013 #Summer #Yolo